I have a bunny problem that is causing my little magical home sanctuary area to feel less like a relaxing hideout and more like a Stupid Bunny Stunts Playground and Hospital. Last year, I accidentally disturbed some bunnies in the front yard. That was not such a big deal. My dogs are never unleashed in the front yard, and my cats do not go outside. I tucked the bunnies back in, sang them a lullaby, and wished them well.
HOWEVER. Now the adult bunnies are getting bolder…and dumber. While mowing the lawn in the fenced-in-doggie-play-area the other day, I disturbed a nest of baby bunnies. THANKFULLY, I did not harm any of them. I said out loud “Dammit Mommy Bunny! My dogs mark this yard like 700 times a day! You MADE YOUR NEST IN DOG PEE, PROBABLY! You should know better! Now your babies are not safe, ya turd!”
So, I set out to collect the bunnies and put them back in their bed and re-disguise it. No luck. The dogs went right to it and I had to practically carry the pups inside to make them leave the baby rabbits alone. Then, my husband and I tried collecting the bunnies and moving them to a new nest (with their original fur/bedding) on the other side of the fence. Not the best strategy, but the only one we had if we wanted the bunnies to have a fighting chance. They were pretty big at this point and almost ready to be on their own; I’m not sure how they survived that long in my yard to begin with. The bunnies proceeded to jump around like popcorn again, like in my first experience with them.
We closed up the old nest, blocked off the area where we believed the mama bunny had originally entered the yard, and held our breath. A day went by without incident. But then, when one of my dogs went out to pee, two of the baby bunnies reappeared and ran full speed right toward my dog’s mouth.
Bunnies, hear this: There is a reason you are at the bottom of the food chain, and that reason is that you are super stupid. You are very cute, and I love you, and I am trying my best to protect you, but you’re making it very hard, and you’re also making me stress out and cry over you. That makes me mad because I hate crying because crying makes me look insane in front of other humans. I understand how nature works, and would never fault my dogs or neighborhood cats, but, like read a book on strategy or something.
The end.